As our parents and grandparents age—and, frankly, as we grow older along with them—we may miss golden opportunities to get to know them even better than we already do. What were they like in their younger years? There is always more to be learned from older adults just by asking.

Family-Focused Questions to Ask

Take the time to sit with your older relatives and really dig into your family’s history. There are several specific questions that follow but you can rest assured that these will only be the gateway to so much valuable insight into their—and your—history.

1. What do you know about your family history?

It’s very common today for people to engage with one or more of the genealogy companies that promise to provide information on what your DNA reveals. It can be fascinating and surprising, but it is no substitute for the real-life experiences and insights of parents, grandparents, and older relatives. They’ve also heard firsthand accounts from your ancestors on the longer branches of your family tree that genealogy just cannot touch.

2. What was it like when you were growing up?

So much has changed with technology just over the past 20 years and we have all witnessed the dawn of the digital age. All of us have computers in our pockets and access to a world of information. But the experiences of older adults are far more dramatic. Ask them about it. Radio and television were novelties to them. Public transportation was in its infancy. Medicine and healthcare were, in some ways, archaic. The changes they have witnessed may surprise you.

3. Do you know the history of your family name?

In America, we are a melting pot. Our family names sometimes survive, while other times they are changed for any number of reasons—fear of discrimination, clerical errors, and more. Ask about your family name and the story behind it.

4. What are your hopes for your family?

Our older relatives have laid the groundwork and built the very foundations upon which our families have grown. The hard work and dedication they provided have given us what we have today. But their dreams endure. You may want to ask what the longer-term plan is — beyond their time with us. You’ll probably be inspired to carry their legacy forward, as they wish.

5. What are you most proud of?

Ask this question and many of our older relatives may deflect credit and humbly say they are most proud of their families; of you. And while that may be true, try digging deeper. Humility and time can fade memories, but you’ll likely find out about accomplishments, deeds, and contributions that would otherwise go unknown.

Fun Questions to Ask

Beyond learning about every branch and twig on your family tree, and the potentially hardscrabble details of early 20th-century life, you may enjoy asking about some more benign, everyday details of your parents’ and grandparents’ experiences growing up. The answers may be enlightening and even hilarious!

6. What world events had the greatest impact on your life?

Think about the times our older adults grew up in and all they witnessed. Now think about what it was like for them before, say, television and radio, even refrigeration and frozen foods. Many will tell it straight while others may provide a sarcastic “woe is me” storyline for your entertainment. Maybe they had to walk for miles to school in the snow, uphill, both ways!

7. Do you remember any fads or trends from your youth?

This can be a really fun question. While kids today have every electronic in the world at their disposal with music, video, and camera capabilities all in one, older adults would often create their own entertainment. Ask about school dances, stickball, jacks, marbles; even just exploring parks and woods before developments took over the landscape. Simpler, more innocent times, indeed.

8.  What was your first car?

While for some the answer to this question might be, “I still haven’t gotten my first car!” many will answer this question with a glint in their eye and a special fondness in their heart. Early model cars represented great accomplishment and freedom. Lots of folks enjoyed literally getting under the hood and understanding the mechanics. But the bottom line for many was the ability to bypass public transportation and become the family’s driver; something they will always remember—and love to share.

9. What kind of music did you like?

This is one area where the modern day and yesteryear are quite different. Radio was in its infancy in the mid-20th century and choices were limited. From swing to jazz, to ethnic music passed down informally, to the early days of rock n roll and R&B, musical roots often mirror family roots. Ask about some favorites and download a few selections. Then watch the smiles grow and the fingers snap as you play them.

10. What was your first job?

We are fortunate to live in a time of widely available education and employment opportunities. But when our parents, grandparents, and older relatives were young, jobs were often prescribed. Family businesses needed busy hands. Laborers worked hard for long hours and little pay. You may know your grandfather as a butcher or an attorney but not know what he did as a boy. Was he a soda jerk? Did he hawk newspapers on the corner? Whatever the answer, there are sure to be stories to go along with it.

The insights into the lives and experiences of older adults can enlighten us all as to where we come from and who we are. Their history is our history. And it’s our responsibility to keep the stories alive for generations to come.

If we can impress one thing on everyone who reads this blog, it is the importance of taking the time to talk with our older relatives while we can—and to care for them as best we can. At The New Jewish Home, we are ready and able to help. Learn more about The New Jewish Home’s services and locations, including skilled nursing and adult day care.